A few weeks ago, I read the Come, Follow Me guide for 2 Corinthians 8-13. The introduction to the guide talks about chapters 8 and 9 specifically, and quotes chapter 9 verse 7:
Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver
After expounding this verse for a bit, the introduction ends with “Whatever forms our sacrifices take, it’s worth examining our motivations for giving. Are our sacrifices expressions of love? After all, it’s love that makes a giver cheerful.”
Love and cheerful giving
This last thought—“it’s love that makes a giver cheerful”—seemed worth thinking about more deeply. After some consideration, I saw at least seven ways “love” plays into a person’s experience of giving to someone in need:
1 - The giver loves the recipient by choosing to feel compassion
Upon seeing the recipient, the giver loves the recipient by choosing a mental attitude of compassion or empathy for their plight, rather than a mindset of accusation (e.g. Mosiah 4:17’s example of “the man has brought upon himself his misery”) or toxic individualism (“I’ve got my own problems” or “I don’t want to get involved”). Note love is a verb here.
2 - The giver loves the recipient through giving
The giver loves the recipient by giving them what they lack (whether that is some physical resource like money, or something like time, a listening ear, friendship, etc.). They resist the siren call of the bystander effect (see also: the parable of the Good Samaritan). Note love is again a verb.
3 - The giver feels love for the recipient
This is the first time we see love as a noun.1 It might seem strange to place this feeling of love after the action of love, but both modern psychology and the teachings of latter-day prophets show us that this is indeed the case.
In his BYU devotional from May 1986, Robert E. Wells of the Seventy taught this principle powerfully:
[L]ove [for others] comes from our serving and sacrificing for them. For example, our Heavenly Father loves us, not because we deserve it but because he has given and sacrificed for us. Our Savior Jesus Christ loves us, not because we deserve it but because he has given so much and sacrificed for us. Our parents love us, not because we deserve it but because they have given so much and sacrificed for us. In order for us to love others, we must give and sacrifice for them. The more we give and the more we sacrifice, the more we will love them and forgive them their weaknesses, and the greater will be our tendency toward mercy. Unfortunately, some young people do not understand this. When they don’t love their parents or brothers and sisters or roommates, they tend to think it is because parents or others have not earned their love or do not deserve it. It is the other way around! If you do not love someone as much as you should, it is because you have not yet given enough nor sacrificed enough for your parents or for that brother or sister or roommate.
In psychology, this effect is sometimes termed the Ben Franklin effect, after Benjamin Franklin, who described “an old maxim” in his autobiography:
“He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.”
Studies have confirmed what Franklin observed: that someone who previously helped you is likely to be more willing to help you again than someone who you have helped. We tend to think more favorably of those to whom we have done kind things. One theory as to why this is is that we seek to reduce the cognitive dissonance of harboring negative perceptions of someone we have served, and that reduction in dissonance often comes by our letting go of those negative perceptions.
4 - The recipient feels love for the giver
This one may not always occur (such as in cases where the person did not want to be helped or is unaware of being helped) but often the recipient of a good deed feels an increase in love towards the doer of that good deed.
5 - The giver feels God’s love for the recipient
To bring this back to a spiritual context, God blesses us with a portion of His love for others when we serve them. The ancient prophet Mormon described this, at the end of the sermon recorded in Moroni 7:2
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.
Serving others is part of being a disciple of Jesus Christ, who spent His entire earthly ministry doing so, and Mormon promises that those who are disciples of Christ will be filled with God’s love.
6 - The giver feels God’s love for them
This connects back to the passage in 2 Corinthians from earlier: “God loveth a cheerful giver.” When we serve others genuinely, we can feel God’s love for us. I believe that this love is a manifestation of His paternal joy in seeing us bless others as He does—much as a parent feels tenderness and love when his or her children are kind to each other.
7 - The recipient feels God’s love for them
This one, again, may not always occur—it depends on the state of the recipient. But this idea reminds me of the story of Chris Williams, who lost his wife and several children in a horrific car crash caused by a drunk driver. After the incident, Chris knew he needed to forgive the driver, and relied upon the grace of Christ to do so. Eventually, he met up with Cameron, the teenager who had been driving the other car. This is how Williams described that meeting:
The thought and sentiment that I expressed as I sat down with Cameron was simply this, that if through the forgiveness through anything else he had seen or heard about me doing, after the accident, that he should know, it was merely the Savior working through me. I had merely put myself in a situation to be a vessel, through which the Spirit, through which His example, through which His knowledge, His experience, His brilliance, could shine.
Chris (the giver, in this case of forgiveness) pointed Cameron (the recipient) towards God and His love.
Why we serve
God’s love, in its fulness, is manifest in the life and mission of Jesus Christ. John 3:16 (probably the most-quoted Bible verse of all time) captures this well:
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
I think this love, found in experiences #5 and #7 above, is the point of our service. We serve so that others can feel the Savior’s love, as we grow to become more like Him. Our service and sacrifice pales in comparison to the Savior’s infinite love, but only through our sacrifice can we more deeply understand the profound depth of that love.
Consider Chris’ experience—he understood Jesus’ love on a substantially more personal level than he had before his experience of choosing to forgive.
Our meager offering of service and sacrifice becomes, as in Chris’ case, a reflection of Jesus’ transcendent and supernal sacrifice. Our self-denial on behalf of another echoes of the supreme suffering He endured as He took upon Himself all our sins, sorrows, pains, and afflictions.3
Good measure, pressed down, and running over
It is also powerful to me to note how only the first two of these seven experiences of love are love as a verb—things we do. The remainder are love as a received experience—something we feel. I am reminded of how Jesus taught us to give,4 and the result He promised:
Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom.
I suspect that the received experiences of love that come as a result of our choices to love—including, especially, a deeper understanding of Jesus’ love for us and others—are a big part of that “good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over” of which He spoke.
Footnotes
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One could argue that the feeling of compassion or empathy is love as a noun, but I see it as primarily a verb—we must choose compassion. ↩
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Moroni 7:47-48, emphasis mine ↩
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See Alma 7:11-12 ↩
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